We live in a society of taker and receivers. People want what they want, what’s wrong with that? Nothing except maybe if the person you are giving to is only a taker. As an empath, I attract three types of people…. people who are like me, people in need of healing and, my least favorite, narcissist. Only recently have I figured this whole dynamic between an empath and a narcissist. It is a very simple, yet intricate relationship. At first glance, it seems like a working thing. One person has needs and the other is actively fulfilling those needs and more. After awhile, the relationship becomes imbalanced, and the empath broods resentment. It is literally a give-take relationship, with each person taking one side.
You see the empath is convinced that the more they give and the nicer they are, it increases the chances of the receiver to reciprocate….except narcissist do not reciprocate. You can give oil you have no more to give, and they will want more. They will treat you half-ass and think that everything is cool….because you keep being nice and giving. Only when you demand your needs to be fulfilled or you express discontent, do they even question their own behavior. Unfortunately they immediately assure themselves they that have been good to you. It often feels like the slave master saying “Well I give you a roof over yo head and you eatin’ right? You should be grateful.”
Yes, we should be grateful, and I am. However, that does not justify the treatment received. Are the “victimizers” at fault. I wish I could say yes, but no. We are responsible for our experiences. We are responsible for how long we allow ourselves to be used and abused though. At the point we discern what is transpiring, it is time to take inventory of the situation, decide what is your threshold, and take action to better things for yourself. The first decision, is to not let your need to give continue to make you a bed that you don’t want to sleep in. Secondly, be sure to honor your needs and emotions. Furthermore, communicate those needs to the person you are in a relationship with. Very often an empath waits till resentment and anger has taken over, and then find themselves are spewing it all over their mate, partner, coworker or loved one. (BTW, that is not effective communicating nor will it get you what you want. ijs)
Empaths and other highly sensitive people tend to think their narcissist will eventually figure out what the empath’s needs and wants are. We make this covert contract with people without them even knowing. Dr Rosena Bakari mentioned that in the episode “Are You Too Afraid of Being Seen or Heard?” We have these unspoken contracts and expectations with and for people that we have failed to communicate with them. We expect that they should be able to tune-in and figure out WTH is going on with us and what we need. WRONG!!!!! Yes, we know what they need and want, but it is not a shared gift and desire. Empaths, bless our hearts, have a genuine desire to help people be their best. We are willing to give and go beyond what is expected…. because secretly we are them how we want to be treated. We really live by the Golden Rule and sheepishly believe we will receive the same in return.
This does NOT mean, by any means whatsoever that we should refrain from giving. We learned in this week’s show that “givers gain.” Listen in and here how are guest Rodney Gullete Jr, of Firma IT Solutions and Services, has built a successful business and career by giving to others.